The New Year’s resolution to end all resolutions

Starry night with person standing as 1 in 2017

Before we get to my 2017 resolution, let’s review my last few years’ resolutions, shall we? If we all agree I’ve failed miserably, I’ll have to rethink adding something new to my list.

I now wear my mittens most days rather than holding them in my cold hands in freezing conditions. That’s progress. I can’t even remember the last day I bought wine gums or chocolate covered almonds or Jelly Bellies. Even though this was not a New Year’s resolution, my Great Sugar Revolution is still in full swing. I’ve never quite mastered crow pose but I still try every so often and I’m hopeful that some day I’ll fly off my yoga mat. Oh, and remember my resolution that 2015 wouldn’t be my last Hanukkah? Killed that one.

This past year, I also planned to be more accepting and respectful of my leukemia-related limitations. I intended to be more compassionate with myself. Novel idea, I know. I succeeded with this resolution somewhat sometimes. I don’t fight my need for naps most days, and I try not to take too much on. I often remind myself to slow down, and sometimes I even listen. When I feel I’ve over scheduled myself, I figure out how to slow myself down. The pressure I place on myself is only my own. So I think I’ve made some headway, but there’s certainly room for improvement.

Or there was, until I started volunteering. Overnight I had so much more to do but, because I was busier, I had less energy to do it. I can’t maintain that pace of a scheduled activity every day without crashing. I may have to scale back my calendar of commitments in 2017 but this is NOT my resolution. That would be too simple.

Rather, I decided to take last year’s resolution a step further and commit to changing nothing at all. “What kind of a resolution is that?” you’re asking. You may be surprised, or perplexed. Do I think I’m perfect, that there’s no room for my improvement? Of course not. I could always strive to do better, and I will, but focussing on what I want to change about myself gets exhausting sometimes. I’ve decided to shift my focus to liking myself exactly as I am.

This will be my hardest resolution yet, I imagine. Like every single one of you, I am my harshest critic. I mess up all the time and obsess over these messes. “Cut yourself some slack,” I tell myself, but I rarely listen, and I certainly tune out when anyone else tells me to be kinder to myself. Yet I’m sick enough of feeling inadequate that I resolve to accept that I am good enough.

My new resolution can only save me time and mental energy heretofore wasted by near-constant negative internal monologue. Perhaps, if I’m successful with my anti-resolution, I’ll enjoy life a bit more. Might as well, since life may be longer than I thought it was going to be but it’s still short. Which leads me to re-instate my not-my-last-Hanukkah resolution. That one was a breeze.

Let’s all raise a glass of water to self-acceptance. May 2017 be your best year yet.

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10 thoughts on “The New Year’s resolution to end all resolutions

  1. I too suffer from negative monologues at times….and what I am slowly discovering is that it produces no valuable improvement/change/betterment. Rather it tends to diminish my spirit. What I try to do now is say to myself, ‘If I could redo that again what would I do differently’ and try to keep that in mind. I don’t always succeed but I do feel better for it. So stay on the sunny side of life girl!

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