I have to pee! A gay (but not happy) fable

Transgender washroom sign, with "Whichever" on it

I was out and about the other day and all of the sudden I really had to pee.

[Already you know this is a fable because people with liver problems never really have to pee, except for a few hours every morning when they are under the influence of their diuretics. Have you noticed I’ve never excused myself to use the washroom in all the years you’ve known me?]

I went looking for the public facilities and saw the sign for WOMEN. I was about to enter when a uniformed officer stopped me. “What do you think you’re doing?” the Washroom Police said sternly. “You can’t use this washroom. You’re gay. You will inevitably leer inappropriately at the other women in there and make them uncomfortable. I think you’d better use the washroom for MEN since you won’t cause any trouble there.”

So off I trotted to the washroom for MEN, but I encountered a few problems. First, I wasn’t sure how to use a urinal. Then I noticed the men in there weren’t so happy to have me see all their exposed you-know-whats. They screamed at me, told me I was a freak, and sent me out.

By this time I really had to go, and the Washroom Police were at a complete loss. The washroom for WOMEN wasn’t appropriate, and neither was the washroom for MEN. So the officer led me to a third washroom, a private one with no gender signage, and told me this was where I belonged. He stood outside until I was done. As I left, he told me I must use only this washroom in the future since I was now barred from entering the others.

From then on, I would alway remember to pee before I left the house.

The End.

Need I repeat this fable from the perspective of a transgender person or do you catch my drift? Which washroom would someone whose physical body is male but who is female in mind and spirit want to use? The one that matches her true gender. She has no interest in gawking at the other women in the washroom, and she is not at risk of sexually assaulting those women; she just wants to pee. (I am awestruck that people actually use these absurd arguments to deny transgender people entrance to the washroom of their choice.) Despite what some may fear, this woman is not an opportunist nor an exhibitionist. She just wants to pee where the other women pee.

Now what if this transgender person is a teenager in school? Adolescence is hard enough as it is; why make it harder by mandating which washroom a transgender student can use? And, no, in case you were wondering, creating a separate washroom for transgender students is not good enough. That solution only reinforces the notion that transgender people don’t belong with the rest of us. As if they don’t feel that way already.

So buzz off, Washroom Police. Live and let live. Or should I say, “Pee and let pee.”

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