There are many things I don’t understand about other traditions. I know Passover and Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur; I didn’t grow up with Christmas or Easter or Diwali, so I don’t get them fully.
Take the Easter Bunny, for example. From my limited knowledge of biology, I know that rabbits procreate like, well, rabbits, but they don’t lay eggs, they lay bunnies. So what’s a bunny doing delivering eggs laid by a chicken? How does that make any sense?
And so when I was peeing on Sunday morning, I heard a loud “Cluck, cluck, cluck,” at the washroom door, which opened slowly. Then a chocolate Easter egg rolled in. This happened one more time. I was shocked! All these years I’d been thinking the Easter Bunny delivers the chocolate eggs, but maybe in truth the Easter Chicken is responsible.
So yes, the Easter Chicken came through for me on Easter Sunday. And the Easter Hounds delivered a lovely jar stuffed full of Dutch licorice to my door on Saturday. Then, while we were out for a lovely Easter dinner with friends, I scored another chocolate Easter egg as well as homemade chocolate-covered wine gums. I was overcome with Easter joy.
All of these gestures assuaged my sadness over Bob the Bunny’s absence this year. Yes, Bob was MIA. I can think of several possible explanations for Bob’s passing over our house.
- Bob realized that I am Jewish, and an adult at that, so leaving me Easter eggs would be wrong. He gave them to a nice Christian child instead.
- Bob did leave Easter eggs at the house, but someone stole them before I found the stash. I would not put this sociopathic behaviour past some of my neighbours.
- Bob was out of town this year, and did not delegate his deliveries to anyone.
- Bob was respecting my efforts to reduce my sugar consumption in order to replenish my recently decimated gut flora. He felt he would be sabotaging me by leaving me chocolate.
- The mysterious Bob did in fact leave his eggs at the wrong house last year, as I had feared. Maybe no one we knew confessed to the secret delivery because someone we didn’t know was responsible. Of course, this explanation makes me feel bad for the person who should have received the chocolate but didn’t.
- Because not only my full name but my address is unpublished, I did not make it easy for Bob, or any impostors, to find my home. I may have to remedy this problem next year by providing a map.
- Most likely, Bob believed skipping a year would not pose a problem because this would not be my last Easter. I discussed this important issue with all of you last Christmas (see Questions Jewish children never ask). Bob figured if he missed me this year, I’d still be around and I’d still like chocolate next year.
Your absence was noted, Bob, but I’ll be here next year if you want to drop by. Or send the Easter Chicken in your absence. Thank goodness my other friends came through for me.