I’ve decided to write a blog post so I can burn enough calories to earn dessert after dinner. I’ll let you know how it goes. If it doesn’t work, maybe next time I’ll go for a walk instead.
I want you to think back to those high school parties. (I was too busy studying to attend, so I’m using my imagination.) There were the friends who came early to help set up, brought food, and stayed late to clean up. Then there were the others who sent out the invitation on Facebook, lazed around with all the party crashers, spilled drinks on the carpet, and moved on to the next house, leaving destruction in their wake.
This is the difference between your white blood cells and mine. We all need white blood cells to fight infection, and I have 3 or 4 times as many as you healthy folk. With such an abundance of infection fighters, you’d think I’d be healthy as a horse, but in fact I’m immunocompromised. My white cells are the ones who show up at the party with their hoards of friends but don’t do much to help when I need them. I’m calling them Germinators, even though mine don’t really deserve the superhero moniker.
And so we arrive at the events of the past week. It starts with my scratching my finger. Dumb, dumb Annie. It was a superficial scratch since I’m a shallow person, the skin barely broken, but the darned thing wouldn’t heal. Germinators crowded the scene, but they were just hanging out rather than helping clean up.
Within a week, I was in such pain that I called the doctor. Despite what you might think, I don’t call the doctor very often. So when I do call, I really need to get in. Unfortunately, Dr. Family didn’t have time to see me for another two days. Because I am a loyal patient and didn’t want to attend a walk-in clinic–I’d need an hour to provide my medical history–I waited it out.
This, folks, was a mistake. While I was waiting, and my Germinators were lazing around, I developed weird red streaks up my arm. Yes, my Germinators extended the party to my lymph nodes. Lymph node infection can result in bloodstream infection. Last time my bloodstream came to the party, I ended up in the ICU for 13 days.
But not this time. My Germinators finally got off their arses and started cleaning up, the inflammation in my arm settled, and day by day my finger is healing. Unsure whether to keep my doctor’s appointment, I decided to go so for guidance in the event of another life-threatening scratch.
When I arrived at the office, I apologized for wasting Dr. Family’s time. Her response? “OMG (or something like that)! A few more days and…. Next time, get thee to my office forthwith. Oh, and do you realize that every time you visit, you apologize for wasting my time? I just ignore you.” No wonder I adore Dr. Family.
Next time my Germinators bail on me, I’ll go directly to the doctor. I will not pass go and I will not collect $200. Oh, and I will not apologize.