Oh, what a packed day yesterday! I was so busy I barely had time to eat, which is highly unusual because, well, I’m gaining weight.
I went to see Dr. Blood in the morning, and met her lovely oncology resident too. I couldn’t seem to get either of them worked up about the fact that my BMI is rising steadily. They like their patients a little zaftig (that’s Rubenesque, for those of you not fluent in Yiddish). This may also have something to do with the gaunt phase Dr. Blood first met me in. Oh, it seems so long ago now, but I guess the image is imprinted in her mind’s eye.
I learned that my spleen seems to be shrinking. It has gone from “ginormous” to “large”, which is progress by any standard. So, now that I know that new chemo is having some positive effect, and despite the negative side effects, I will remain on it for now. Thank goodness size 12 is the new 10.
Oh, you don’t care about that. You want to know how yesterday’s talk went. Well, it was standing room only, which I really wasn’t expecting and likely had nothing to do with me. I also wasn’t expecting Dr. Blood to be there. That made me nervous even though, after getting the bad stuff out of the way (see yesterday’s post on my ex-doctor [read like “ex-husband”]), I had prepared to end with Dr. Blood’s saving my life.
I was a bit stiff to start but loosened up in time. I am pleased to report no cell phones or pagers went off, and all eyes were on me when I looked around, which is amazing for a room full of very busy medical professionals. Of course afterward, despite my magnificent leader Jess Dollard’s feedback that it had gone well, I spent hours thinking of all I could have improved. I trust Jess, but she’s so darn nice, of course she’d tell me it went well. If only I could somehow get feedback from the group, I’d be able to trust what Jess said, I told myself.
Right on cue, magnificent Jess forwarded a letter from the manager of the Bone Marrow Transplant clinic, who had taken the time to write a heart-felt thank you. She felt her team had benefitted from the talk, and even noticed a few “shiny” eyes (her words) among the listeners.
As a sickie psychologist, I’ve always wanted to be able to use my experience to help others in some way. I am thrilled when other sickies follow my blog, for example. But I felt especially blessed to be able to share my experience with a gathering of esteemed health professionals and to stress to them how their work improves patients’ and families’ lives.
The icing on the cake (no wonder I’m zaftig; even my analogies are food related)? Dr. Blood’s peers were there to witness my profound appreciation for her.
Maybe someday I won’t need someone to tell me I’ve done well; I’ll be able to see it myself. We psychologists always have room for emotional growth.