Here are a few important updates: my baking esteem is slowly returning after my successful muffin and bread bakefest yesterday. No sunken middles, nothing under- or overdone, perfection. And yes, I’m still flossing, although I did forget one night this week. I almost jumped out of bed when I realized my omission, but feared having to add flossaholic to my list of addictions. I rolled over and fell back to sleep instead. Oh, and that new chemo? I’ve noticed I don’t seem to need a nap during the day of late. That’s a huge change.
Enough with the self-adulation. I was chatting with some yoga buddies before class the other day, and for reasons I can’t recall, one joked, “It’s always all about you, Annie.” I was a little taken aback or, in psychology speak, I suffered a mild narcissistic injury. But that didn’t last more than a few days.
Of course it’s all about me. Were my yoga friend to read my blog, she’d know I have the garden stake to prove it. I’m sure you’d agree with her assessment, faithful followers. And why shouldn’t it be? Can’t it be all about me sometimes, so long as it’s all about you at other times? Seems only fair, don’t you think?
And I’m not sorry it’s all about me, by the way. (That was an anti-apology, for those of you who are in my Apologizers Anonymous group. I’ve come a long way, baby.) Why does “selfish” have to be a bad word anyhow? Is it never okay for me to focus on my own needs or to ask others for attention or support? Sure my neediness quotient may have risen since the cancer, but isn’t that understandable?
My yoga friend’s comment was timely. This weekend is indeed going to be all about me as I celebrate my third cancerversary. Yes, three years since my diagnosis, three years of excellent medical care and effective chemotherapy, and I’m not dead yet. I could view this milestone as one year closer to dying, and there are times when my thinking strays in this direction, but I’d rather focus on the miracle that I’m still alive. May there be many more cancerversaries to celebrate.
To commemorate this day, J., Jelly and I will be venturing to a beautiful park in the city. We will gush with pride when people stop us frequently to tell us how adorable our dog is. And then we will visit Annie’s Bakery, which curiously I’ve never been to before. How else to make the day all about me than to stop by a place named after me? The day will surely involve chocolate because, well, all celebrations do.
So here’s my response to my yoga friend: Yes, it is all about me sometimes, as it should be all about you other times, and that’s okay. If it’s ever too much about me, I trust you’ll let me know. And if you ever need it to be all about you, count on me to be there.
Have a wonderful weekend all. Feel free to celebrate on my behalf, preferably with chocolate. And remember, if you eat it while you’re walking, you won’t gain an ounce.