If I’ve seemed a little distant lately…

I have become much too predictable. You can almost count on my posting three times a week, usually Monday, Wednesday and Friday. You’ve figured out that Monday and Wednesday’s posts are often on more serious health-related topics, while Friday’s is light and funny. I try hard not to be Annie Anhedonia just before the weekend. (How could I pass up that alliterative allure?)

But this week will be different, owing to a dramatic change in my circumstances: I am without any medical obligations all week. In fact, I picked up a prescription yesterday so I would have 7 full days free from labs, doctors, and all forms of medical intrusion. I’ll skip the wellness resolutions since the last one landed me in hospital, but I am indeed hoping for a medical-crisis-free week.

And so I have the perfect opportunity to break my blogging patterns. I will share only light and funny material through Friday, which should be easy because the Double Ps are visiting tomorrow, and you know how hilarious they are. Just take a look back at their comments on my posts sometime. I almost peed my pants when I read their response to my last one. Whoops, nothing medical, I promised.

To start our week out, I thought we might talk about texting. As a writer obsessed with punctuation, spelling, and sentence structure, I had some difficulty jumping on the texting bandwagon. You’ll rarely see TMI or LOL or WTF or 2 for “to” in my texts, even though they’d save time and space. I just can’t cope with not spelling words out. I know, I’m old and rigid.

I may avoid the abbreviations, but my inner psychologist quickly developed a strange affection for emojis. A picture is worth a thousand words, right? My favourite is the really big smiley face because, in my fantasies at least, I am a happy, carefree joker all the time.

Serious pupil of all things, I studied all the emojis options on my BlackBerry and began inserting emojis liberally in my texts. Except the poop one. I think that brown pile is kind of gross. I’m not afraid of writing about poop; I don’t need an emoji to express it.

Just as I’ve mastered this new skill, our operating systems have developed a communication breakdown. Lately, I’m often unable to read others’ emojis, which appear as uninterpretable black squares. I am a trained professional, I’ve spent years reading people’s emotions, yet I don’t know how to interpret those squares. And we all know how the written word can be misconstrued. Without those emojis, I am lost.

To punish all my affluent iPhone-using friends whose emojis are lost on me, I’ve stopped sending emojis as well. I figure if I can’t read others’ emotions, why share mine? No psychologist wants to be the only one sharing her feelings. And forget suggesting I incorporate the old symbol-based emoticons instead. That 90-degree image rotation is a killer for someone with my spatial limitations. : (

So in the future, if you want to know how I’m feeling, you’ll just have to ask. I’ll tell you within my texting character limit, which is far less than 1000 words. Right now, for example, I’m angry I can’t afford an iPhone. What’s the emoji for that?

Angry red-faced emoticon with "Angry" written below it

 

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