The Chip on my shoulder

Since I’m trying to distract myself from tomorrow’s Cancer Centre appointment, you might think I’d be preoccupied with the upcoming provincial election. The nonstop robocalls make it hard not to be. Still, this will be a non-partisan post. [Insert subliminal “Go, Rachel, go!” here.] I do feel compelled to warn you, however, that you will spend eternity in the Lake of Fire if you vote Wildrose.

I could also be stewing over my tanking ranking in the hockey pool. After one day at the top, it’s been all downhill, but I remain well ahead of J. Next year, assuming I keep up my intensive hockey studies, I’ll choose my own players.

No, I’m preoccupied with much weightier matters this week, i.e., the colour of my underwear. Yes, I’m choosing my underpants carefully of late because, sadly, my last bastions of comfort, my yoga pants, are a bit snug. How can I lounge around in tight spandex?

The thought of having to buy a larger pair of yoga pants seems overwhelming. And, according to Chip Wilson, the former head of the Lulu Empire, his company’s see-through yoga pants were not the result of a manufacturing defect; they were the fault of fat women squeezing into thin pants. Blame the chubby victim. Even before Chip’s egregious accusation, Lulu was known to limit its size offerings so overweight people would not be able to wear the brand. Fat people doing yoga? Not in the world according to Chip.

As if women needed to be even more self-conscious about those few extra lbs. Chip, you should be ashamed of yourself. You have done women a great disservice. Women everywhere are matching their underpants to their yoga pants with shame because of you.

But back to my expanding girth, since it’s really all about me. Yes, I’ve gained a few lbs. of late. I’d love to blame my underactive thyroid, but truth is I’ve been eating too much and moving too little. My appetite loss a few weeks back didn’t last as long as I’d hoped it would. And I’ve been so tired–leukemia,  polycythemia, anemia, your guess is as good as mine–that I’ve even shorted Jelly on the occasional walk.

I’ve also lapsed with my low-sodium diet of late. I enjoyed pizza with friends (enjoyed the friends even more than the pizza) last Friday night, ordering what I wanted rather than what I should have had. And then I had an unusual hankering for a BLT panzanella salad, which we made the following night for dinner. Yes, it was an overly sodium-indulgent weekend. But what I’ve learned is that if I don’t let loose every so often, eventually gluttony will bite me in the butt.

Sometimes I resent everything I need to do to keep my body well, so I throw the rules out the window. Chip be damned. But there’s a fine line between living a little and needing new yoga pants. I may need to hit my reset button, but not until we finish the rest of that bacon.

Cooked bacon on foil-covered bacon sheet



2 thoughts on “The Chip on my shoulder

  1. Lord knows, I have a selection of sizes in yoga pants and other styles — you’re welcome to come shopping in my closet.


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